Here Comes The Sun (Do, Do, Do, Do...oh come on, I can be optomistic can't I?)

Day Ten? Success!! I'm liking this pattern of success I got going on. 

On to today!

Day Eleven: Determine Your Emotional Eating Triggers (You mean I gotta figure things out about myself?)

My major emotional eating trigger? Boredom and loneliness! Eating is just such a great time filler, and is totally a way to escape from having to deal with certain lifestyle issues I'd rather push away than face. My binge eating habits come from a different place than trying to lose weight though...if anything I am worried about being under weight. I really don't get very hungry, I could probably go a full day without eating anything and be fine...but what have I heard numerous times again and again? Eat 3 square meals a day. Well, I can't pack that much damn food into this little body of mine. I tried following this "eat every 2 hours, even if you're not hungry because your body needs the nutrition" thing and ended up making myself sicker than I've ever been. I was trying to take matters into my own hands and in the process I was disregarding the true needs of my body. Reality? I'm a skinny little bitch, I've always been one, and I will probably always be one! And that's perfectly okay with me. I'm not going to manipulate my body into something it's not. I don't even feel good when I eat a ton of food. I feel sick and tired. A lot of times the less I eat, the more energized I feel. Yeah, it's totally strange to me too. I have no idea why my body reacts the way it does, but maybe I've come to a place where I don't need a lot to thrive. Now, don't get me wrong, when I'm hungry I am the first one to jump on the food wagon and indulge (only now I indulge in much healthier foods than in my past), but how much sense does it make to eat when my body isn't giving off the hunger signals? Eating just to eat because I think I should, is most likely putting unnecessary strain on my body and causing more damage than good...even if I am eating the healthiest foods in the world it won't matter if my body isn't able to fully appreciate them. At the end of this course there was a link to a website called shrinkyourself.com On this website you can take a free profile report to determine your emotional eating triggers. This website really focuses around losing weight, so it wasn't necessarily the perfect place for me to find information, but I just disregarded the whole weight loss thing and implied the overall theory of emotional eating instead. 

Here's what I came out with:

I want to lose weight in order to: (So in my case I just replaced the lose weight with have a healthy relationship with food)

- Prevent future health problems

- Control or reduce existing health problems

- Sleep better

- Move better

- Feel better physically

- Have more energy

- Be more healthy

- Inspire others to do the same

- Relieve some of my moodiness, depression, or anxiety

- Better handle the up-and-downs of life

- Be less critical of myself

- Be more free of doubts and fears

- Stop food from being the source of conflict in my life

And here are the reason I want to keep up with my poor eating habits:

- My life would be too intense without eating what I want

- I would be too depressed without sweets, chocolates, or snacks. 

- I need food to get rid of my negative feelings.

- Food calms me down when I'm angry or frustrated

- When I'm lonely food makes me feel better

- Food is one of the only things that can keep me occupied when I'm bored

- It helps me quiet my inner-circuit 

- Overeating is the only way I know how to make myself stop feeling empty inside.

- When life gets too stressful food provides a quick escape

Then there was this little activity to determine my emotional eating pattern, which resulted in this:

I am tempted to eat when I feel lonely. Eating gives me some relief by making me feel comfortable. However, after the relief fades, I feel insecure about me own self-worth. 

Feeling imprisoned by food is horrible- no matter how much you weigh. I never thought of myself as having an eating disorder until I realized what a strong hold food had on me. My connection to it is entirely mental and emotional. I hardly enjoy the things I eat...and most likely ventured down this healthy eating path as a way to justify my obsession with food. Yes, I am eating the healthiest things known to man, but I'm probably not getting as much out of them as I could be. True enjoyment is of the highest importance, and that goes for anything in life. In order to get the full benefit of something it has to be enjoyed. When I eat just to satisfy my mind, I'm probably not getting any nourishment what-so-ever, because the mind is never satisfied. It is always looking for that next fix- be it food, sex, television, or one of the million other things we use to keep the mind entertained. I'm working on getting back in touch with my true needs, and doing my best to distinguish a need from a want. It's pretty neat cuz I'm learning so much about myself. I'm super excited to see where things go from here. Like I've said before, this isn't just about food, it's about learning how strong of a person I am. Discipline is not an easy thing. I've been spoiled pretty much my whole life, so it's kinda cool to go against the comfort of always getting what I want.