A Moment Like This (some people wait a life time...for a moment like this!)

Okay, so it's no secret that I am pretty much getting the opportunity of a life time here. I'm moving to Hawaii to live with an amazing family, and getting the chance to do exactly what I love...helping! I can't wait to get over there and start this new chapter of my life. I am getting happier and happier everyday, and that glow just seems to get brighter and brighter. With one exception...the darn food dilemma...

So here I go talking about food again. Well, can ya blame me? I'm surrounded by it 8 hours a day a work! You may think you're strong...but just wait until you come face to face with a portabello mushroom pizza that is smothered in like three different kinds of cheeses and is basically screaming at you to eat it! Ya, that's what I thought. You probably want one right now...so just chill and stop judging me lol.

Anyways, this whole food crisis has inspired me to write, yet again, another blog about will power and strength. So0o who's stronger, me or food? Me, me, oh please, pick me!! Lol. Not a chance, at least certainly not today. I fought food, and the food won....

Maybe the trick is to stop fighting? So, new approach - less fighting of what I don't want, and more focus on the things I do want! Lets see...why do I want to eat healthy anyways? 

Honestly, right now it's because I don't want to go over to Hawaii with a big, bloated, 6 month pregnant lookin' belly. Yes...that's what eating dairy and wheat does to me. It blows me up like a freakin' balloon and makes me look like I'm carrying twins. Not attractive in a swim suit. No! I don't think I'm fat! I just know what my body naturally looks like, and for some reason God blessed me with a flat tummy...which I am very grateful for. And when it's not flat, I know something ain't right.

So, it's time to stop abusing myself and start loving me as much as possible. Goal? Get back my bikini ready bod by the time I leave...which is in less than two weeks (July 12th). Can I do it? Well...seeing is how I don't set unrealistic goals...heck yes I can do it! As long as I stay away from crap that my body doesn't like I will be perfectly fine. 

I am posting a picture of what my body goal is, and then the day before I leave I will take a comparison picture to see how close I came to reaching my goal. Haha I am only doing this because I know that promising a picture of myself in a bikini will for sure help me stick with it! Guess I better squeeze in some tanning time too...don't wanna blind everyone with my white legs! And, boy are they white...whoo. 

Okay, so here's my goal: And I have less than two weeks to reach it. Wish-a me luck :) 

All You Need Is Love (Ba du du du du du, love is all you need)

True? Ya! I definitely think so. 

I took a good long, hard nap and woke up feeling beyond amazing! I looked in the mirror and sorta was glowing. It honestly tripped me out a bit. I was thinking about what could have caused this new found glow, and realized that me being happy and loving my life is most likely the culprit...

When we are in a happy place it totally shows outwardly. When someone is in love, they are constantly radiating with smiles. Love can turn any situation around. It's the most powerful emotion out there. 

I'm going to go a bit soggy on you guys today and take ya back a couple years into my crazy life. Actually...more than a couple years...I'll pretty much take you all the way back to as far as I can remember, cuz I have basically always wanted to change who I was, or be someone else. I've never really felt comfortable in my skin, and always thought I could do or be a better person. This constantly left me in a depressed state because I was never happy or satisfied with myself. I never enjoyed the moment or felt pleased with who I was, and instead was always looking for ways to improve myself to be more appealing to the ones around me. If something about me was out of place it would send me into a paranoid frenzy, causing me to focus on nothing but hiding my flaws from the people I came in contact with. Whoa boy, what a way to live. That's probably why I loved drinking so much - It allowed me to escape from my mind. I guess what I'm getting at here is that the reason why I'm in such a glowy state is because for the first time in my life I am in love with myself. 

Yes, yes I am totally conceited and think I'm better than you! Lol. No, I'm not selfishly in love with myself, I am humbly in love with myself. I have finally figured out that I have been created to perfection. God makes no mistakes. I am perfectly assembled to do whatever it is I have been put here to do, and guess what?! You are too!!

It's so spiritually detrimental to judge ourselves or wish we were something other than what we are at this very present moment. Change can be good, but we first must be happy with who we are right now. Love every bit of yourself, even the parts that you feel may not be up to par. Love the pimple on your face that is the size of Mt. Rushmore, love that beautiful,  lumpy cellulite buttocks you got going on. Oh come on...cellulite can be beautiful! Lol. 

What I'm saying is that it doesn't matter if we have flaws, cuz in the eyes of God they aren't actually there. If we hold on to our "flaws" and judge ourselves by them, than we are keeping ourselves trapped in a state of unhappiness. Just accept and love whatever it is you have put yourself down for in the past. And, it doesn't even have to be a body part, this goes for emotional things as well. Just sit down and be with yourself. Take the time to love every single thing about who you are today. Not who you want to be, but who you are right now. Let go of any standards you have set for yourself, and just accept the beautiful creation you are. Stop judging yourself on things that most people probably don't even notice. Truthfully - everyone is so wrapped up in their own stuff that they most likely don't even notice or care about what you may think is life threatening (i.e. that monster zit).  :P

So, what should you do today? Look in the mirror and love what you see! Love everything you see. Things will change on their own. Don't block yourself from being happy by hating or judging what you are. Just smile and brush off whatever it is you feel to be a disappointment in your life, cuz in all honesty it really isn't that big of a deal. The sooner you accept it and let go, the sooner you can move on and come back to that happy place we are all entitled to.

Love, Love, Love - Love is all you need :) 

Anyone now having the urge to watch the movie Love Actually? Haha me too!!

Warm Whispers ( I am weeping honey and milk)

A not so known song...but it is a song, I swear! Lol just heard it on Pandora and it reminded me of something I was thinking about the other day...

Ever since starting down this path to purify my body and regain balance in my life my spiritual side has sorta opened up. I've always had strong faith and believed in God, but I'm gaining so much more insight these days. Not just wisdom- but simple wisdom. I've read my share of spiritual books, sat in on many Sunday sermons, and watched movies about God and faith...but sometimes things just don't add up to me. I commend pastors though...what a tough job to try and preach the word of truth to such a diverse group of people.

Like I've stated before, I don't believe there to be one true way to live life. Happiness is different for every person. Yes we were all created from the same source, but we have been given the gift of individuality and free will. Which means that we can live our lives however it is we want to. This doesn't mean we should all go around smokin' crack and killing each other though. What it means is that we should live by what we, in our hearts believe to be true and right. And to do our best to respect the people around us. With that said, I can say this out of true respect...

The story in the bible of the wandering people in search of the land of milk and honey (haha see where the song for today's title comes in now) has been popping into my head SO much over the past couple of weeks. Which says to me that it must be something that is needing to be addressed in my life. I am no bible expert and I don't know if what I'm going to say is even close to being right...but I'm pretty sure that God promises these people an abundance of land that is flowing with milk and honey, in other words - paradise...well...if you like milk and honey lol. Okay, that's besides the point...so these people, they go in search of this paradise and wander around for like a billion years or something (extreme exaggeration because I don't know the actual amount of time lol comedy is always a safe bet when you haven't a clue what you're talking about). Well, eventually God appears to them and says something like "The land I have promised you is right here (somewhere close)...you've been wandering around for no reason." Haha sorry to anyone who knows the actual story, guess I shoulda maybe googled it before writing this, but I'm lazy. You got the jist of it though right? They are wandering in circles while the land is right in front of their eyes...simply within reach.

My take on the story? The land of milk and honey is the kingdom of Heaven that God has promised all of us, and we are the wanderers going in circles in search of what is already within us.

So here comes my true thoughts and the part that may be controversial : All these people out there who are going through long drawn out processes to obtain enlightenment...are they not taking the long route? If we already possess the kingdom of God within us shouldn't it be much easier to tap into than spending a life time of meditating for 20 hours a day? Are we putting hope in things like statues and emblems to bring us closer to God rather than just realizing that God is everywhere and we don't need any outside things to be close to Him? To me, faith should be something simple. Why would God make things hard on us? Especially since a lot of times things like that cost money and aren't available to everyone. We are simply made of love.

A lot of times people tend to complicate things. I've come to a place where I am beginning to realize that life is not this great big mystery that we need to figure out. Life is simply just that - life. Just go with it, love and appreciate everything you have and enjoy what you are doing every second of the day. Don't be a wanderer who is constantly searching for others to give you all the answer. Search within yourself. That's where the true answers lie.

Now I'm so not putting Jesus down by saying this, but one day I was thinking about being a follower of Jesus. In my head I asked the question, "Did God make us to be followers?" A quick response came back at me - "The only thing you should ever follow is your heart." Simple. While Jesus did wonderful beyond wonder things in the world, I can't strive to be like him. He is not me. I am different and have my own purpose in life. My heart will direct me toward the things I am capable of accomplishing. I am living life purely based on my highest light...which is different than your highest light. We are all at different stages in life, and all have different lessons to learn. I respect your path in life, and hope that you respect your own path as well. One day maybe we'll all be on the same page, but I'm not sure I'd want to walk around in a world full of people who were all the same.

Rock your individuality - it's beautiful.

It's Been a Long Time Coming, But I Know A Change Gonna Come (oh yes it will)

Okay, ever wish for something then have that wish finally come true? Pretty amazing right? Well, I feel on top of the world right now. Yes, I'm taking a huge risk. Yes, I'm leaving a job where I make more than enough money to get by. And, yes I have no idea what my life is going to be like once I make this huge leap...but not knowing is exciting! 

So what is it that I'm doing? I'm moving to Hawaii!! Ya...hard decision right? Lol. 

I do have to cut this short cuz I gotta go to work, but I just wanted to get one big Woo Whoo out before I ventured off into the day. I am going to miss everyone so much...and I am going to miss karaoke ha ha sad that I love it so much, but I honestly will miss going out and singing. Music is such a huge part of my life. Maybe there will be some musical opportunities for me in Hawaii...ya never know. 

It's funny, I was thinking about my life and all the events that led me up to where I am right now. If I never would have gotten sick, I never would have discovered all the life saving information I now know. I wouldn't have such a high appreciation for life, and I sure as heck wouldn't be so grateful for everything around me. Life is very valuable. Believe it or not, we all have a purpose of some sort. And I don't necessarily think we have to know what that purpose is. In my own life I've found it much easier to just go with the flow of things. We all have certain passions and dreams that have been placed in our hearts. Those dreams are there for a reason - just go with them. I know at times it may seem impossible to achieve the things we are being called to do, but that's where the whole faith thing comes in. We don't always have to know the way, the way will be shown to us. When we are ready for something, it will be presented to us. I like this : "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear." Just believe that you can do it, and everything you need will come flooding your way. 

I truly believe in my heart that our ways are paved out for us according to what it is we have set in our minds. Just make up your mind about what it is you want, and let God take care of the rest. Planning may be smart sometimes, but how great would it be to live life without a plan, and instead just take life as it came. This is a silly little analogy, but every time I buy food ahead of time it always ends up going to waist. Now, if I would have just waited to buy the food until I was going to eat it then it would have been used...and vuwalla - no waist! Think about that. 

Alright, alright gotta sign off. Work time! 

Enjoy the sun!! Vitamin D baby : )

Baby You're All That I Want, When You're Lyin Here In My Arms (I'm Finding It Hard to Believe We're in Heaven)

So0o yeah, I totally have had that song stuck in my head ALL day...but I'm not complaining, I love that song! And, I do feel that I'm finding it hard to believe that we can obtain heaven here on Earth. So, maybe it was a good title for my blog today. 

I know that the other day I was questioning my choice to follow a raw lifestyle...I call it a lifestyle, and not a diet because I loath the word diet lol. And it really is a total lifestyle transformation to venture down the raw path. Change in many people's eyes can be very...what's the word...stressful! Not only stressful for the person making the changes, but also for the people involved in their lives. I think a lot of people like to be comfortable and  know what to expect. So when we go around making changes it not only stirs up our world, but also stirs up the world of the ones we come in contact with. So, maybe it's sometimes important to change our surroundings when making a major lifestyle shift. 

 I'm remembering back to when I first decided to quit drinking. Now, I had drank for like 10 or so years I think...so this was something that was a big comfort in my life, and it was almost habit to go out on the weekends and indulge in the party scene. Well, when I made the choice to stop I still thought I could go to parties and have fun. Wrong! It was horrible! I felt like a crazy person...surrounded by the one thing I wanted to avoid made it almost impossible for me to think of anything else but slammin' back a couple of shots. So, what did I do? I left the party! Embarrassing? A little. And it sure was a huge shot at my ego to know that I couldn't even resist a drink, but I knew that drinking was something that was causing unhealthy patterns in my life, and I was ready to clean up. 

With that said, I would like to take back my statement from yesterday about being bored with raw food. I am not bored with raw food, I am just surrounded by way too much of the stuff I want to remove from my life, and it's clouding my vision a bit. I am such a firm believer in common sense, and eating a diet made up of fresh, living food to live a long healthy life is the most sensible thing that I've ever heard. Yes, I will be completely honest...over the last two days I've made some horrible meal choices...and I mean horrible. And what now? Well, now I feel like poo. Literally. My stomach is on the fritz...I'm super bloated and uncomfortable. I feel spacey and tired. From an outsiders perspective I'm sure it looks like I'm getting through my day just fine, but on the inside I feel weighed down and yucky. 

Solution? Oh, come on...you know what I'm going to say...to get back on track with what I know in my heart is the right thing to do! I remember a while back when I was really struggling with my health- I asked God to please show me a way to improve my situation so that I could live a happy life, and be better able to do all the things I want to accomplish within the world. I truly believe that God has shown me raw nutrition to use as a tool to achieve my goals. Purifying the body is such an important thing, and it opens up so much room to expand and grow within the world. When we feel good it's so much easier to do the things we really want to do. When we have energy it's a breeze to engage ourselves in positive activities. When we feel good about ourselves we connect with people better, and love spills out for everyone to see. 

I just re-read a paper I wrote for school. It was about raw food and all its benefits. I am so glad to have writing in my life. To be able to draw inspiration from something I've written myself makes it a whole lot easier than hearing something second hand. In my paper I talked so much about how great I felt, and how much energy I had. I am happy that God sends little reminders to me. I do not feel bad about the last couple of days, I know that everything is a learning experience...and being reminded of how I had to totally change my surrounding when quitting drinking has given me the courage to step out and change my surroundings again. I am now easily able to be around alcohol and not even think twice about having any. I know this will be true with my current eating habits as well. I am no saint, and I know that it will take more than just sheer will power for me to make this change, but I am ready. God knows this, and I am excited to see where this new journey takes me.

Let it be, Let it be...Let it be, Let it be (speaking words of wisdom, let it be)

So0o I'm bored...I'm bored with the whole raw food thing and trying to live my life to perfection. Can I do it, yes. Do I want to? I don't know. 

I just finished watching a youtube interview with a guy named Daniel Vitalis (thanks to ganstafied raw foodie Lisa Paris). Whoa! What a smart man. Shook up a lot of my views. It's actually kinda funny that I was drawn to watch that video today because it brought up a lot of issues that I've talked about in the past. Living life as a human, in my eyes, is all about freedom. Limitations shouldn't exist. We are unlimited beings, and are capable of so much more than we give ourselves credit for. 

So, with that said...wouldn't smacking the label of raw foodist on myself sort of be limiting? Yes, yes to all my raw food friends, I know how beneficial eating a pure diet is, and I'm not doggin' on it one bit...but I just feel that labels at times create walls. And I want to be a wall free, open to all things type of person. And this isn't just about food, it goes for anything...religion, career, relationships...making groups is a good thing, it can draw people who have like interests together...but then what about the people outside the group? Are they to feel unwanted because they don't fit in? Shouldn't we all be accepting of each other no matter what? What if there was no religion, no groups, no affiliations, and we all just lived open and free- Connecting with each other on the fact that we are all human beings, made from the same source, and not as people with set agendas and values. Judgment would be put aside because we would all just accept one another, and appreciate the differences each and every one of us possess. I'd like to hop from person to person and figure out as much as I can about the people I live around. Connection is what it's all about. 

I have found that a lot of times I don't want to tell people the way I eat because it creates judgment, and I don't want to be defined by what I eat. What I eat does not make me who I am. I was alive long before I ate the way I do today, and I will continue to live even if I choose to eat differently tomorrow. I know myself. And I know that the most important thing in life is to get joy out of the things you're doing. If you're not having fun with something then obviously there is something wrong. Life is not about putting a bunch of rules in place, it is about doing the best you can with what is presented to you. 

I've become obsessed with health, and in the process created an unhealthy view of the entire world. For a while I was constantly judging the people I saw eating and doing things that were, in my opinion at the time, unfit. My days revolved around looking at something and putting a good or bad label on it. I love this quote, "I define nothing, not beauty, not patriotism. I take each thing as it is, without prior rules about what it should be." Bob Dylan. Who am I to pass judgment? There is no right or wrong, good or bad. Everything is what you make it. 

It's no secret that we are all different, yet there has been an average number or percentage put on almost everything. I for one, am so not average...and I have come to realize that many statistics are probably flawed anyways. I am choosing to live my life based upon the inner feelings I have, which change daily. Today I may feel like doing or saying something, and tomorrow I may do or say something that totally goes against what I was feeling the previous day. And that's okay. That's what we are meant to do. We are meant to live, and follow our hearts. Be open and free. Don't pigeon hole yourself and then feel stuck in a box just because you don't want to go back on your word or what you may have defined yourself as in the past. Words are only words. Who really cares anyways? One of my friends had a quote up  that said (haha I love quotes) "The ones who matter won't care, and the ones who care don't matter." 

Just live, and let things be as they are. Let you be as you are. Cuz ultimately we were all built in perfect harmony to achieve whatever it is we were put here to do. So just live the best you can and trust in the love that embodies each one of us.

Now I've Had the Time of My Life (and I've never felt like this before)

Dirty Dancing...quite possibly the best movie on the planet. Gotta love Mr. Swayze. 

Okay, so day twelve was a success...even though I crammed myself full of almonds. But, this is a learning experience and I'm doing my best not to be too judgmental of myself. Good news? I don't have anymore almonds...so no more stuffing! lol. 

Day Thirteen: Get the Junk Food Out! (Outta Sight Outta Mind) 

Ya, so this day kinda sucks for me, cuz I live in a house full of junk food eaters, and I'm surrounded by junk food at work. I really like to make things hard on myself don't I? Lol. But no really, I've been thinking about this a lot, and I realized that if eating raw and being healthy is something that I truly want to do, then my outside circumstances shouldn't make that big of a difference or have too much effect on my daily decisions. If I make up my mind to do something, then nothing is going to steer me away from my goal. Ya, they might create bumps in the road, but who ever said change was easy? Who ever said life was easy?!? We aren't meant to coast through life without challenges, we're here to learn and grow strong. I am thankful for ever trial I've ever had, they have all molded me into the person I am today. My life has been full of ups and downs, and I know myself so much better for them. Everything truly does happen for a reason, we may not understand the reasons, but there is a force that is a million cazzillion times bigger than us that is at work. Just trust that everything is happening for the good of everyone. It's a design, a flow...go with it!

Im going, going, back, back to posting, posting (haha anyone remember that song?)

Yeah, I totally changed the words a bit, but if you can guess and remember that song...high five! :)

So0o I know I haven't posted as much as I usually do, and I did have every intention of posting over the weekend, but I ended up going camping. Woo Whoo for the sunny weather! I've been on my raw commitment thing for like 19 days now, but I haven't really been keeping up with the lessons, so I'm going to start where I left off....so this will be day twelve. 

Day Twelve: Break the Emotional Eating Cycle (Whoa boy, this couldn't have come at a better time!)

“Your life is the sum result of all the choices you make, both
consciously and unconsciously. If you can control the process of
choosing, you can take control of all aspects of your life. You can find
the freedom that comes from being in charge of yourself.” ~Robert F.
Bennett

True, true, true! Each and everyone of us has the choice to do or not do things. Anything we are faced with is ultimately in reaction to something we did in the past. Like right now, I am sitting at my computer so hot that I'm almost sweating because my body is trying to counteract and process all the fat I stuffed myself with. Today was a horrible day for me food wise. I started eating when I wasn't actually hungry, and then I couldn't stop! It was like I wanted everything in sight. I did manage to stick with my raw plan (okay, except for having a piece of banana bread...it was small, ok! lol), but nothing seemed to satisfy me. I ate a ton of nuts and now feel so full that I can hardly move. My poor body is doing it's best to digest everything, and I think that's why my temperature is up right now...or I may just need to open a window, I don't know. Anyways, I learned a valuable lesson today...don't eat when you're not hungry! I keep trying to tell myself this, but it just doesn't seem to sink in. I guess I'm just afraid that I will never get hungry lol cuz I don't! It's super weird. Guess I can try a little experiment within an experiment and see how long it takes me to get hungry. I mean, as long as I still have enough energy to do the things I need to do it shouldn't really matter how much I eat. Like I've said before, eating for me is more emotional than anything else anyways. The only time I feel bad about eating is when I eat when I'm not hungry...and today is a prime example of that. I love food, I really do...but I can't keep shoveling it into my mouth if my body isn't actually asking for it. If I eat when I'm not hungry it seems to stimulate my mind more than anything, and I think that's why I always have this empty feeling even though I'm full. Who knows though. I will just have to take it one day at a time and keep experimenting with myself. I also learned that when I'm craving something, it's not a smart idea to eat something else to try and get rid of the craving. For example: If I want cake, and eat a banana instead...I'm still going to want the cake, no matter how many bananas I eat! From now on I am going to wait until the craving for the cake goes away, instead of trying to suppress the craving with some other food. It just doesn't work, at least not for me. If it works for you, right on. Do whatcha gotta do people. We are all different. And, what do I gotta do right now? Go to sleep! My tummy hurts and my body needs time to digest all the freakin' almonds I ate...never again, never again! lol

SlaAaAaker....

Okay, Okay, I know what you're thinking...I've failed right? It's been like five days since my last post, but failure is not to blame...being super busy is! I am still very much on track with my raw food goals, and I've been stickin' to it 100%. I feel amazing! My body is opening up, and it's releasing toxins, negative feelings (that I've been harboring for only God knows how long), fat that was unneeded, plus a million other behind the scenes things that I don't even know about. The body is truly an amazing thing, it knows what to do, and it knows what not to do. It is always seeking balance, and if allowed, balance is exactly what it will find.

Yesterday was a great day of learning for me. I rode my bike to work, then headed to yoga to do not one, but two 90min. sessions! I honestly didn't think I could do it, but instead of dreading the 3 hours ahead of me I did my best to live in the moment and take each pose one, by one. And, it turned out to be the best sessions yet. I really didn't know it was possible for the human body to sweat that much lol but I can't even explain how amazing completing something like that is. You've been in a sauna before right? Well, multiply that great after sauna feeling by like a million and you might come close to the euphoric feeling Bikram Yoga can give you. There is the perfect balance of stress/relaxation. Every cell in your body is forced to come together and work toward one common goal...balance. And from that balance comes strength, peace, self-worth, and pretty much ever other positive word in the human language. I love it so much that I am seriously debating becoming an instructor. I feel so passionate about the benefits of yoga that I would love nothing more than to spread the word, and help bring it's healing benefits into others lives. I'm on a five for five kick right now...it's a deal my yoga studio is giving. It's a five week deal, and you must attend five classes a week during the five weeks (get it now - five for five. He he). Reward? A full month of yoga for free! That's like a $100 value people. Of course I jumped all over that! I just completed my first week...so now I'm more than ready to get my second one started. Oh shoot! I lost track of time...haha I gotta go to work! I will start re-posting stuff about the 21 day raw program later today.

Enjoy the day! :)

PS - I didn't get a chance to edit this, so if there are typos I apologize.

Here Comes The Sun (Do, Do, Do, Do...oh come on, I can be optomistic can't I?)

Day Ten? Success!! I'm liking this pattern of success I got going on. 

On to today!

Day Eleven: Determine Your Emotional Eating Triggers (You mean I gotta figure things out about myself?)

My major emotional eating trigger? Boredom and loneliness! Eating is just such a great time filler, and is totally a way to escape from having to deal with certain lifestyle issues I'd rather push away than face. My binge eating habits come from a different place than trying to lose weight though...if anything I am worried about being under weight. I really don't get very hungry, I could probably go a full day without eating anything and be fine...but what have I heard numerous times again and again? Eat 3 square meals a day. Well, I can't pack that much damn food into this little body of mine. I tried following this "eat every 2 hours, even if you're not hungry because your body needs the nutrition" thing and ended up making myself sicker than I've ever been. I was trying to take matters into my own hands and in the process I was disregarding the true needs of my body. Reality? I'm a skinny little bitch, I've always been one, and I will probably always be one! And that's perfectly okay with me. I'm not going to manipulate my body into something it's not. I don't even feel good when I eat a ton of food. I feel sick and tired. A lot of times the less I eat, the more energized I feel. Yeah, it's totally strange to me too. I have no idea why my body reacts the way it does, but maybe I've come to a place where I don't need a lot to thrive. Now, don't get me wrong, when I'm hungry I am the first one to jump on the food wagon and indulge (only now I indulge in much healthier foods than in my past), but how much sense does it make to eat when my body isn't giving off the hunger signals? Eating just to eat because I think I should, is most likely putting unnecessary strain on my body and causing more damage than good...even if I am eating the healthiest foods in the world it won't matter if my body isn't able to fully appreciate them. At the end of this course there was a link to a website called shrinkyourself.com On this website you can take a free profile report to determine your emotional eating triggers. This website really focuses around losing weight, so it wasn't necessarily the perfect place for me to find information, but I just disregarded the whole weight loss thing and implied the overall theory of emotional eating instead. 

Here's what I came out with:

I want to lose weight in order to: (So in my case I just replaced the lose weight with have a healthy relationship with food)

- Prevent future health problems

- Control or reduce existing health problems

- Sleep better

- Move better

- Feel better physically

- Have more energy

- Be more healthy

- Inspire others to do the same

- Relieve some of my moodiness, depression, or anxiety

- Better handle the up-and-downs of life

- Be less critical of myself

- Be more free of doubts and fears

- Stop food from being the source of conflict in my life

And here are the reason I want to keep up with my poor eating habits:

- My life would be too intense without eating what I want

- I would be too depressed without sweets, chocolates, or snacks. 

- I need food to get rid of my negative feelings.

- Food calms me down when I'm angry or frustrated

- When I'm lonely food makes me feel better

- Food is one of the only things that can keep me occupied when I'm bored

- It helps me quiet my inner-circuit 

- Overeating is the only way I know how to make myself stop feeling empty inside.

- When life gets too stressful food provides a quick escape

Then there was this little activity to determine my emotional eating pattern, which resulted in this:

I am tempted to eat when I feel lonely. Eating gives me some relief by making me feel comfortable. However, after the relief fades, I feel insecure about me own self-worth. 

Feeling imprisoned by food is horrible- no matter how much you weigh. I never thought of myself as having an eating disorder until I realized what a strong hold food had on me. My connection to it is entirely mental and emotional. I hardly enjoy the things I eat...and most likely ventured down this healthy eating path as a way to justify my obsession with food. Yes, I am eating the healthiest things known to man, but I'm probably not getting as much out of them as I could be. True enjoyment is of the highest importance, and that goes for anything in life. In order to get the full benefit of something it has to be enjoyed. When I eat just to satisfy my mind, I'm probably not getting any nourishment what-so-ever, because the mind is never satisfied. It is always looking for that next fix- be it food, sex, television, or one of the million other things we use to keep the mind entertained. I'm working on getting back in touch with my true needs, and doing my best to distinguish a need from a want. It's pretty neat cuz I'm learning so much about myself. I'm super excited to see where things go from here. Like I've said before, this isn't just about food, it's about learning how strong of a person I am. Discipline is not an easy thing. I've been spoiled pretty much my whole life, so it's kinda cool to go against the comfort of always getting what I want.

It's A Beautiful Day In The Neighboorhood (Ha ha, remember that show?! CrEEpy!)

Day Nine was another success!! Still going strong...except, and I was debating on whether or not to post this part cuz it's a little embarrassing, but I had a dream about eating mashed potatoes last night? Haha! There was like a bar of a buncha different kinds. Funny thing is...I totally could taste them in my dream. Dream eating...I like it! All the fun without the guilt :)

Day Ten: Stop Eating Your Emotions! (I feel like I've talked about this before...)

“Live your daily life in a way that you never lose yourself. When
you are carried away with your worries, fears, cravings, anger,
and desire, you run away from yourself and you lose yourself. The
practice is always to go back to oneself.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

Since I've talked a butt load about my own personal cravings, I will avoid going into that today. This lesson outlines a lot of tips on how to determine if you're eating out of hunger or out of emotion, so I'll just re-cap on those :) 

These are in thanks to author of Shrink Yourself Dr. Roger Gould:

The Eight Signs of Emotional Eating

*#1: Your hunger is sudden.*
Physical hunger comes about gradually. Emotional or “phantom” hunger happens quickly, usually as a
response to a particular food item.

*#2: You crave specific foods.*
Are you hungry, but only candy or chips will fill you up? This isn’t true hunger. If you were really hungry,
a simple fruit meal would easily get the job done.

*#3: You feel an urgent need to eat that specific food.*
It is not unheard of for people struggling with emotional eating to drive miles away in order to get a
particular food. There are even horror stories of people eating out of the trashcan or sneaking candy
from their children.
On the other hand, physical hunger is not urgent or choosy and will patiently wait for any food.

*#4: Your hunger has some connection to an upsetting emotion.*
Physical hunger has no connection to your emotional
state. It is only connected to your biological need to
eat. Emotional eating is just that…emotional.

*#5: Your eating is unconscious.*
Have you ever polished off an entire pint of ice cream
wondering how you got to this point and where all the
food went? Emotional eating is often done quickly and
with little awareness of what is being eaten.
Eating for physical hunger usually involves mindfulness
of the food and the level of satiation while eating.

*#6: You don’t stop eating once you are full.*
You still crave the taste of the food and pleasure that taste brings. You might not even notice that you
are full until you’ve already eaten well beyond your limit.
Physical hunger is based on your need for sustenance and is often satisfied when you are comfortably
full, not stuffed.

*#7: You can’t stop thinking about a particular food or flavor.*
There are no physical signs of actual hunger. There is only the thought of a particular food and a desire
to taste it.

*#8: You feel guilty after you have eaten.*
Physical hunger represents your biological need for food. There is no reason to feel guilty after eating
based on true hunger.
Feeling guilty means you know you are not eating out of a need for food, but out of a need for
comfort.

If any of these statements resonate with you, you are struggling with emotional eating.
 
If not, then you are just hungry...so go eat!

Losin' My Sight, Losin' My Mind (wish somebody would tell me I'm fine)

Another soggy day in Oregon. What have we done to offend the sun? I know the majority of Oregonians aren't ready for swimsuit season, but people! That's no reason to hex the sun from coming out. ;) 

Okay, I'm just bitter. Maybe this is a chance to appreciate the rain? Nah...IT'S SUPPOSE TO BE SUMMER! 

Day Nine: Do You Love Food Or The Way It Makes You Feel? (When I get that feeling, it's like sexual healing)

Food is stimulating. More than anything, we usually have an emotional attachment to food. How many times have you eaten when you weren't hungry? Do you wait until you actually have an empty stomach before shoveling more food into your mouth? Take this analogy: You're at work putting everything you have into a project. You're doing your best to finish the task at hand, when just then your boss comes in with a giant stack of papers...more work! What's the first thing you think? Holy shit! I'm already working on something, and now my boss wants me to worry about all this other stuff. Why couldn't they have just waited until I was finished with this first project. Now your attention is split between the first project and this new project that was slapped on you when you weren't ready. Well, that's just how our bodies work. We are the boss's of our body, and when we ingest food when we're not hungry, it's like giving your body unnecessary work. Work that it isn't ready for. So what happens? StReSS! When we aren't prepared to do something in life it tends to put stress on us. So why should our bodies be an exception? Giving it more than it needs only does damage. If you're hungry your body will send out signals to alert you. If you're not hungry, your body won't send out signals. Pretty easy right? Haha ya, if eating were only in relation to physical hunger it would be easy...but for me it's more about the mental stimulation. The filling of time, the fear of losing too much weight, and only eating because it's my lunch or break time. If our lives are full of joy there won't be such a need for food. People now a days consume way too much. Granted everyone has different lifestyles, so some people do need more than others, but for the most part we are way out of touch with our actual needs. The majority of society is hyped up on stimulants like caffeine and sugar. No wonder things are so out of whack. We shouldn't need multiple cups of coffee or a donut to get us going in the morning. That isn't actual energy, it is an illusion of energy that leaves you feeling dead tired a couple hours later, which means you making another trip to that coffee station to get your next fix. Lol I really hope my boss doesn't read these or I might be out of a job. I guess it's all just about asking yourself questions. Questions like, do I really want to feel imprisoned by these outside things? Nature has provided us with everything we need. It is humans who have warped stuff into unidentifiable substances. If you can't pronounce it, don't eat it. Life is meant to be simple. Keep it that way. 

Bow Chica Bow Wow (that's all I got lol)

So0o day seven way a success, I just didn't have time to blog yesterday. Karaoke is consuming my life! Lol I like it though...and since I've been staying out so late I've made a new best friend with the store room at work (haha been taking naps on my lunch break).

Day eight is pretty much already over, but I will re-cap on what the lesson was for today. 

Day Eight: Know Your Cravings (Hold em', squeeze em', love em'...maybe not that far, but you get the picture)

Cravings are the worst! There have been times when I've felt consumed by my cravings so much that I couldn't even pay attention to what people were saying to me because all I was thinking about was eating a big spoon full of chocolate peanut butter coconut bliss ice cream...okay, not just a spoon full...the whole damn pint lol. That stuff is so good. Highly recommend it, it tastes a million times better than dairy ice cream. It's pricey, but SO worth it. Anyways, so far I haven't really had any major cravings. I've been stuffing myself full of bananas though...I'm actually getting worried that I may wake up a monkey. Bananas have the best texture. I freakin' love them. New favorite food, well actually scratch that. Mangoes are my favorite. Oh yum...tomorrow I'm going to make a mango banana smoothie. K I'm getting side tracked. What was I talking about? Oh yeah, cravings. So0o pretty much my big craving deal was sweets, and since I'm eating so much fruit my sweet tooth has been more than satisfied. Honestly, I hardly look twice at the donuts and pastries at work. They even have my favorite cream filled donuts and I've remained strong lol. Truthfully if I felt like I really, really wanted the donut I would eat it, but I haven't had an urge to do anything but follow the game plan I've made for myself. I'm starting to realize how strong of a person I am. Overcoming the need to eat cooked food isn't just about improving my health anymore, it's about challenging myself to become stronger. I've pretty much been a wall flower my whole life. Shy, timid, and basically scared of my own shadow. Why? Not a clue, all I know is that I wasn't having fun with life. I used to take things way too seriously. Life isn't about always doing the right thing, it's about doing the best you can with what you have. I'm not always going to be able to make everyone smile, there are going to be people who don't like me...and maybe even people who hate me, but ya know what...that's on them. I'm not going to compromise who I am in fear of being disliked. Everyone has been given special gifts and talents, to not live out those gifts is like giving God a big ol' slap to the face. New goal - be open to all the good things that God is wanting to bring into my life. Anything that I truly need, I know that God will provide for me. Loving yourself is not conceited. Ever been in the presence of someone who loves themselves? It's almost contagious. I've met so many people in the raw food movement who are radiating with love, sometimes I can't take my eyes off them. Love is beautiful. When we're happy we glow, and others want to be around happy people. It's okay to stand out, the only people who will try and bring you down are those that are unhappy with themselves. Respect other people, even if they don't make sense to you. Everyone is different, just accept the difference and I promise it will shed a new light into your life. Judgment is not up to us. Just because someone doesn't live up to your standards doesn't mean they are doing something wrong. We all have a purpose, and an authentic purpose at that. Don't be a copy cat. Do what you love, and love what you do!

Day Eight? Success!!

I am Beautiful No Matter What They Say (Words Won't Bring Me Down)

Hiya! Today is glorious day seven of my raw journey...well in actuality I've been doing the raw thing much longer than seven days, but this is my twenty-one day commitment to end my cravings for all the junk I was hooked on. (sugar, carbs, sugar, sugar...did I mention sugar?)

Day Seven: Progress Not Perfection (But, but...I gotta be perfect!)

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue
that counts.” ~Winston Churchill
One

So many times people set unrealistic goals for themselves, and then wonder why they end up failing. We are human, we make mistakes...it's just part of the process. For me, this whole experience is about learning who I am, and what I can and can't do. Eating raw takes A LOT of discipline. Especially when you work in a restaurant environment like I do. I am surrounded by food...and free food at that! I'm pretty much livin' in the belly of the beast right now, but that just gives me more drive and incentive to succeed. I love pushing the limits and doing things out of the norm. Well, actually for some reason I love proving people wrong. When someone says I can't do something, it makes me want to do it even more. Probably something I should work on a bit lol. Nobody likes to hear they can't do something, and in my opinion this is because we were not made to have boundaries and limitation. We are meant to live freely, able to do what ever it is our hearts tell us to. Jesus said that the kingdom of Heaven lies within us. I watched a video yesterday where David Wolfe was talking about paradise, and how heaven and hell are not some distant place. They are here, right where we are. They are inside of us. Heaven isn't something we get to experience once we're dead. Heaven is something that should be lived right now. It's that place of everlasting love that lies inside all of us. We are moving, feeling, breathing human beings with hearts and souls. Turn inside and ask yourself what it is you really want to do in life. What makes you happy? What puts a smile on your face? What makes you burst at the seams with joy? There is a light within each one of us. All we are meant to do is live that light. Let it shine through you and radiate onto others. That is the true meaning of life. To live and love. To be happy.

DaY SiX

Success!! Ha! Spelled it right this time. 

Today was pretty fantastic. I worked on only 2 hours of sleep and still felt like if I wanted to I could have run a marathon (okay, maybe not a marathon). Everything is starting to click and make sense to me. I'm feeling way more in tune with myself, and I'm beginning to realize that food isn't all that important. It's our state of mind and attitude that are important. The reason why raw is working so well for me this time around is because I am allowing it to work. I'm no longer resisting the fact that I can live off fruits and veggies. I am accepting of pretty much everything around me, and my life is starting to pull itself back together. I'm giving up the stupid image of perfection that I've always tried to mold myself into. No one is perfect. Perfection is impossible, and it's down right BoRiNg! I like flaws, flaws add to our character. I am more comfortable with myself now than I've ever been. My whole life I've been a victim of the mirror, constantly trying to change who I am to fit in and please others. I am a freakin' nerd, I've always been a nerd and I love being a nerd. I love Harry Potter lol apart from Twilight they are the only set of books I've ever finished. I love saying weird random shit, and making no sense. I love laughing at any and almost everything. I love smiling like a fool for no damn reason. I love talking to people who are real. I love nature. I love being different. I love being plain old me. AnD I love YoU! :) 

And, I also love my bed which I am about to collapse into and have the best sleep of my life.  

I Feel the Earth Mo0ove Under My Feet (I Feel The Sky Tumbling Down)

Good Morning! Okie Dokie so had a late night last night and am sorta paying for it this morning. But, it's all good in the hood...just gotta move around and shake some life into me. Maybe day six can liven me up! 

Day Six: Cooked Food - What Are You Really Missing? (cooked food, smooked food, who needs it anyway?!)

If junk food is the devil, then a sweet orange is as scripture. ~Audrey
Foris

Yeah, not exactly sure that's going to do the trick with my whole energy issue this morning lol but I do totally feel something on this topic. Every other time I've attempted to switch to eating raw I've always looked at cooked food as something I was giving up. *Embarrassing* but I envied every person I would see enjoying a chocolate chip scone or blueberry muffin...sometimes I would even get mad that they would consider putting something so "harmful" into their bodies. Truth? It's just freakin' food! A blueberry muffin isn't going to kill you. I am a believer in moderation. If I truly feel like I want to go back and eat things like pizza and cake, I will. But, I want to eat those things for the right reasons...and certainly not out of desperation or depression. I know that I want to see myself healthier and more vibrant. I want to have loads of energy, and be able to overcome the obstacles life presents without having to worry about my health anymore. For me, I know that food has contributed to the health set backs I've experienced. Meat, dairy, and sugary foods just don't work well with my body. I am no activist, and I don't think eating raw food is an end all cure all for everyone on the planet...but for me, it feels right. It is something my body is crying out for me to do. So no, cooked food is not the devil. I will not go to hell for eating it, and I certainly wont feel hexed from ever touching it again. The goal here is to tune into my inner needs and wants, and nourish my body to the fullest. I feel a change in my body already. My mental clarity is becoming clearer everyday, and my sinus congestion is pretty much all gone. So, for me raw is working. It isn't about raw vs cooked. It's about me taking what I'm feeling I should do, and putting it into action.