DaY FiVe

Success!! Dang it, I spell that word wrong every time lol thankfully that squiggly little red line appears under a word when my brain fails me.

Today was sort of a lazy day. Sat around, watched a movie, cleaned my room...fun stuff. I must add that I made a pretty good salad today though. It was romaine, cucumber, celery, and almonds with a cucumber avocado dressing I whipped up real quick. Sublime! It was just what I needed. 

In all honesty I am noticing a little drop in weight. Particularly in the bum region. This...I do not like. I am used to filling out my clothes fairly well, BuT I have confidence that my body will balance itself back out. I've done a lot of research on raw food and learned that in the first couple of months the body is doing a lot of cleaning house, which may result in weight loss, energy zaps, sickness, and even mixed emotional feelings. This is all because the body holds onto things, and when given the chance, releases what it doesn't need (emotions included). Now, when I first heard this I was like what the heck...that's crazy talk. My body doesn't hold onto emotions! Then I experienced detox symptoms and my mind quickly changed. When I first quit drinking is when I had the most difficulty with detox. Every little insecurity I ever had about myself was brought to the surface. It's actually a very good thing. All detox is, is our bodies way of trying to rebuild itself. Once I understood this concept it was much easier to deal with the up and down feelings that can sometimes come with any lifestyle change. So, I have faith that my backside will return someday lol. Having a flat ass for a while in exchange for a lifetime of excellent health seems like a pretty good trade-off to me. All-in-all though I'm still doing very good. Energy is up, I'm still able to ride my bike with no problem...and of course I am making it to yoga almost on a daily basis. My spirits are up and I'm pumped for day six

Lean On Me, and I'll Be Your Friend (I'll help you carry on)

Top note: Singing last night was SO fun. Everyone needs to get off their lazy butts and come hang out! Just one night, and I'll be happy. Thanks :)

Okay...back to the boring stuff...

Day Five: Raw Food is Not Comfort Food (But...I like to eat my emotions!)

“I eat merely to put food out of my mind.” ~N.F. Simpson

Day Five talks a lot about understanding our emotions and tuning into how we're feeling...instead of trying to numb the pain/discomfort in our lives with food, alcohol, television or too much sleep. I'm all about numbing the pain. That's why my background is full of addictions. Alcohol, drugs (not SO much), unhealthy eating habits, overworking, and countless hours of sleeping all to try and disconnect from owning up to my problems. I sorta would overcome one thing and then switch to another lol. It's so funny how people do that. Oh yeah, I don't smoke anymore...but now I eat like a crazed maniac. Living with this addictive personality has taught me a lot though, and now that I know and understand myself it's much easier to cope with life. I can look back and remember so many wasted days. Days when I would drink all night, wake up (most of the time still drunk), go to work, then do it all over again. I was pretty much a walking zombie, my mind constantly fixated on the party and getting hammered. It got to a point where I was blacking out pretty much every time I drank. Being carried to the car by a friend was an all too familiar trend...and don't get me started on all the embarrassing drunken phone calls and text messages that I would send out to any and everyone. I would like to take the time to apologize for those right now lol. Anywhoo...I finally realized how much of a problem my drinking had become so I decided to cut back. Good right? Wrong...silly/smart me just found something else to replace the numbing sensation that alcohol gave me. Drugs...ya! cool! Now, don't go getting all freaked out...I wasn't a hard core drug addict who shot up every night. I experimented, and luckily learned my lesson quick. Drugs, although arguably the best feeling in the world, were not for me. When I was on them I felt fine, but the next day was like hell. My problems multiplied by a thousand. I'm super comfortable talking about this, because me doing those things are a part of who I was/am. I'm not ashamed of anything I've done. I am grown up enough to be able to take my mistakes and learn from them. Not that I'm promoting a life of drug abuse, but all those things have, in some way or another, assisted in molding me into a stronger person. So0o0 this is going to be a long post, sorry...but thanks if you're hanging in there. After I realized how much damage I was doing to my body I quit drinking and abusing, and started getting obsessed with health and fitness...almost to an unhealthy point. Actually, it was unhealthy. I was so wrapped up in making sure I didn't do anything harmful to my body that I forgot to live, and ended up making myself sicker than I was before. I was scared of all the previous damage I had done to my body and saw myself as a diseased person. And diseased person I was. I was so depressed and sad that I had no energy to do anything other than work and sleep. I pretty much lost all my friends in the process and fell into a dark hole. I didn't want anyone to see me like that, so I shut myself off from everyone (family included). Instead of reaching out, I sucked myself in...and almost disappeared. In my desperation I found that sweet, sugary things made me feel better. New addiction? Ice Cream! Donuts! Junk, Junk, Junk! Yeah, I hear ya....but you're so skinny! How are you not fat if you were eating like that? Um, I would work out like CRAZY. Sound like an eating disorder? Yep. It is. They come in all different forms. But, then raw food came along and I was hooked right away. Started off super good, then three months into it something happened (I think I ate like a brownie at work or something) and I was right back on the unhealthy eating pattern. I actually started going on food binges. In my mind I was like...okay...this is the last day I'm going to eat cooked food, tomorrow I'll be raw again....so what do I want to eat? Answer? Everything! I honestly can't believe I'm writing this for people to see, but I would go from fast food place, to fast food place getting different menu items. There were times that I stuffed myself so full that I could hardly move. And I was doing all of this while promoting a healthy lifestyle to others. Can we say hypocrite? Now, luckily I have like the fastest metabolism on earth (quite possibly true. I took a test at 24 Hour and it showed that I burn almost 2000 cal. a day just sitting on my ass) so I didn't gain weight or look like a compulsive eater, but that's what I had become. I had no joy in life, so I turned to the stimulating joy of sweet foods. I would eat a shit ton of food then pass out...sound familiar? My days of drinking and partying were over, but my lifestyle patterns still matched up to my wild days of the past. Well, now that I'm older and wiser (haha!) I realize what a gift life is, and that wasting it is the worst sin imaginable. I care so much about other people, and literally want to dedicate my life to helping other...but without the care of myself I know I won't be able to do that. I wasn't doing anyone any good by shutting myself off from the world. I know that I made myself sick, and now I'm dealing with the consequences of my former actions. But, luckily the body can heal itself. I don't want to make all my posts about God, but I know that God has always been there, whispering in my ear all the things I am meant to do in life. There are so many passions that I want to pursue. Along with so many good things I want to see happen in this world, and thankfully I've finally woken up and realized how important my own individual life is to the whole of the planet. I'm no better or worse than anyone else. We are all the same and all hold the same potential to do great things. I am so thankful for everything I have. La de da, there I go going deep again.

Alright, think I've spilled enough about myself lol. Time to venture out and enjoy the day.

I Believe I Can Fly (DaY FoUr)

I usually post right when I get up to set my mind on my goals, but I've had a busy day! So, it's a little late, but here is my day four agenda...

Day Four: Remove All Doubt (Put a little faith in your heart...lol changed the words for the benefit of this post)

Doubt and worry are probably the biggest mood killers, and the two biggest problems in my life. I love to worry. If I'm worrying I feel okay. There has always gotta be something to complain about or judge in order for me to feel at peace...or at least that's what I used to be like. 

Over this past year I've done a butt load of soul searching and found out that I don't have to worry! Worrying is all a big waist of time!! I claim to be a believer in God yet I fear everything. Now, that doesn't make sense. God is this almighty, powerful, above all ruler, right? Well, with God backing me, how could fear even cross my mind? Good can stamp out evil in any case, this I truly believe. As long as our heart and head are in the right place, nothing can stop us from achieving success in whatever it is we wish to do. And, right now I wish to be a low-fat raw vegan. And so, I am. All we gotta do is believe we are something and that something will come true...as long as it's what we really want. Commit to it and show no fear. The second we fear is the second we distrust in our decisions, and in that second the world can come crashing down on us and our plans. Go out and feel good about the things you are doing. Have faith that they are right for your life, and just live with a big ol' smile on your face. Limit is only something thought out of fear. There really are no limits...barriers are broken everyday. Unexplainable miracles take place all over, this says to me that anything is possible. 

Oh! And day four was a another success :) 

DaY ThReE

Success!!

And the sun even made an appearance today, how nice! Lol. 

I managed to hit up Yoga again this morning, I can't even begin to express how beneficial Yoga is. I swear, it's like the best energy boost in the world! I can totally feel my body opening up and becoming more flexible, it's awesome. I was feeling a little on the dried up side today though ha ha between yesterdays class and this mornings I had only drank about 20oz of water. And with my bike rides to and from, yeah...you get the picture. BuT, no sweat (ha ha honestly didn't mean that in reference to the Yoga). I just drank extra today and bought a coconut. The water is super yummy and excellent in assisting with re-hydration. Can be a little tricky to open, but that just adds to the fun of eating raw. It's one thing to eat a meal, but to eat a meal that you're totally engaged in from buying, to preparation, to eating -  gotta experience it to appreciate how much more satisfying the food is. I want to take it a step further and grow my own food! Don't really have much gardening area right now, but I'm thinking of looking into some pots to grow stuff out of. So, maybe in the near future I'll be putting up pictures of a mini garden? I do know that I wanna start sprouting. Sprouts are super good for energy, and liven up salads like you wouldn't believe. My favorite are sunflower sprouts. Ah, so good! This whole process so far has been fairly easy, not sure if it's because I've been experimenting with raw food for a good year now, or if it's because my mentality going into this time is a lot more positive, but I totally feel like I am doing the right thing. Ever just have that solid feeling of WoW, I'm on the right path? Yep, that's how it feels.

On to day four...

It's a New Dawn, It's a New Day (and I'm feeling good)

Third day, and I'm up bright and early. Not really sure what I'm going to do this morning since I don't have to be anywhere until 10am and I forgot my school books at work, but I'm sure I can think of something. My room needs cleaning, maybe I'll do that.

Day Three: How to End Your Physical Cravings for Good (Get them the heck outta here!)

“The perfect joys of heaven do not satisfy the cravings of nature.”
~William Hazlitt

So, out of all the days, this day is stressed the most. It's one of the most important things in transitioning to a raw food lifestyle, cuz without an end to physical cravings it will be near impossible to successfully continue down this healthy path. Solution? Eat more fruit! Fruit it chalk full of calories and is pure energy. Yeah, it's sugary, but hey...that's right up my alley. I love sugar. Fruit is like natures candy, and I can eat as much of it as I want! I have found that I enjoy smoothies the most right now though. I think mixing greens with my fruit helps my body balance out the sugars, since I am still adjusting to this new type of fuel. Before I was running on things like bread and muffins. Yucky processed stuff. Now my body can focus more on cleaning house instead of trying to attack intruders (he he). Less stress = more time for fun! And fun I will have, check out these delicious smoothie recipes:

Creamy-Crunchy-Cool
5 bananas
3-4 medium nectarines
3 stalks of celery
Blend everything. It might be easier on your blender to cut the celery
into smaller pieces before you blend.

Or how about some fruit salad?

Citrus Circus
6 medium oranges
2 medium-large grapefruit
3 medium kiwi
Cut into same-sized pieces and put into a bowl or arrange on a big
dinner plate.

Before I end I would like to post a little note about the quote included with this lesson. I am not so sure that I agree with it. I've been reading it over and over, trying to understand what the quoter was trying to get across, but all I can get from it is that they're saying heaven can't fill the void of things here on earth. I totally disagree.The things/feelings of heaven are what we need to satisfy the cravings of earth. All too often we put our trust in material things, and things we can see, when the true gifts of life are actually in those things that we cannot see. Heaven, God, Goddess, Universe, whatever you want to refer to it as. That's where the real joy lies. When we can put aside the material things and instill out hopes and desires in the Maker, that's when our faith takes off and true happiness comes about. Guess I may have went a little deeper than I had anticipated, but oh well. I am still working on accepting higher things myself, but when it comes down to it we gotta live off blind faith. Know that there are good things out there, and know that we are being taken care of by something much greater than us. I believe in my heart that this thing that is much greater than us is unfathomable, so I've stopped trying to figure it out, and just started to accept it. What a load off my shoulders! Just live and go with the flow (everyone's flow is different, so follow yours). I like the word bliss, follow your bliss. Love, love, love everything. Hug a tree maybe? (lol jk) 

And remember to smile! :)

DaY TwO

 Success!!

 There's the yummy salad I had for lunch

Another great day, despite the lovely Oregon weather. I honestly don't mind the rain much anymore, except it did almost keep me from going to yoga. I didn't want to show up sopping wet from my bike ride, but then I realized...I'm going to get drenched in sweat anyways, so what's the big deal?! No rain is going to stop me! At least not this time lol. 

It's been like a week since I've gone to yoga so I was a little nervous about getting back into it. I never know what to expect in that 105 degree room, but this was one of the best practices I've ever had! I didn't even need water throughout the whole 90min. session! That kinda blew me away. Usually I'm takin' sips ever other pose, but this time...just didn't feel the need. And my bike ride home was super easy. The rain actually probably helped to keep my body temperature cool. So, thanks rain! 

There's always a silver lining :)

Still Like That Old Time A' Rock and Roll

Haha had that song stuck in my head this morning, compliments of my good ol' friend Todd :) 

Anyways...today is day numero dose of my raw transformation. 

Day Two: Your Past Results Do Not Ensure Future Failures (You mean I'm not going to be a screw up forever?!)

“Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone
can start from now and make a brand new ending.” ~ Carl Bard

Day two is all about overcoming MPEMPS (my past equals my present syndrome). All too often we cut ourselves short because we feel unable to accomplish things we've failed at in the past. Well guess what...that was the past! I don't know about you...but I like to live in the present as much as possible (easier said than done on most occasions.) So, whatever I've failed a million contrillion times at trying to go raw, but that just means I've learned a lot more about myself and my limits. I've learned what works for my body and what doesn't. Everyone is different and I believe there isn't one true way of doing anything. Just gotta listen to our own bodies and go with our own intuition, cuz ultimately we know ourselves better than anyone else. I feel very good about the upcoming 20 days. The long 3 day weekend might actually be the good feeling that I'm feeling but haha oh well, I'll take it. If you're not having fun with what you're doing I can guarantee it will be a failure, so my mindset is to have a good time no matter what life presents me with. So, rock out!

DaY OnE

Success!!

Today was a very good day. Had a bunch of fruit and a green smoothie. I love all the funny looks I get while I'm sipping on my bright green drink, lol it's so funny. 

I hit up mapquest and  figured out that it is about 3.75 miles to work...so that means I bike around 8 miles a day. I should start keeping track of how long it takes me to get to work cuz I feel like I'm getting faster. Tomorrow I start back up with hot yoga...yippee! This will also add some more miles to my biking adventures. Uh oh. Someones gunna be in tip top shape for swimsuit season :)

Ready, Aim, FiiiiRe

Day One: Are you interested or are you committed? (Make up your damn mind!)

“Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes; but
no plans.” ~ Peter F. Drucker

Well, I would have to say I'm definitely committed. I've got a plan, and I'm sticking to it. I think one of my biggest problems is commitment. I hate it for some reason. I can be all for something, but the second I commit to it there is like this internal change that tells me to do everything opposite. So0o0 I guess through this whole process I'm not only working on instilling healthier eating habits, but also working on my fear of commitment and success. For some reason I'm a little scared to be good at something. Maybe I'm scared I'll eventually fail? Maybe it's too much pressure, or maybe I don't feel like I deserve it? Whatever it is, I'm ready to grow the heck up and start enjoying my life to the fullest. Day one, here I come! 

Make You Work, Work, Make You Work...

Okay, after that last little rant I decided to find something to assist me in my little (ha!) lifestyle change. I found this 21 day transition to raw program so I am going to document my progress through this blog.

Step One: My Raw Reasons (Why do I wanna do this anyways?!?)

1. More Energy!

2. Lessen my carbon footprint

3. Get that raw glow (without having to go to a tanning bed)

4. Mental Clarity

5. No more dependency on artificial products

6. Eliminate my stomach problems

7. End crap food binges 

Step Two: My Game Plan (How m' I gunna get it done?)

1. Eat as much fresh food as I want!! And only eat when I'm physically hungry (not mentally).

2. Do hot yoga to help with all the detox craaaap

3. Maintain a positive attitude and surround myself with people/things that support my progress.

Step Three: Have a Daily Journal (Write it out and ReLeAsE)

1. Blog is it. Anyone who's bored enough to read this better bare with me...these could be some challenging days. Detox from shit food is the same as detox from nicotine or any other addictive substance.Bring on the mood swings!

So there it is. My plan of action, and I start tomorrow. Wish me luck :)

Cuz When I'm Bad I'm So, So Bad (so let's dance)

Alright, alright I totally suck. I hate everything right now...food especially. I feel like a freakin' eating disorder patient or something. I hate chocolate, I hate pizza, I hate donuts. Blah! Working around that shit sucks! It's so damn tempting and once I have a little bit I can't stop. It's gross. I pretty much feel obsessed with food right now. That's almost all I think about. I would like to blame everything on stress, but know that it's not true. I make my own choices and stress is no excuse. I feel totally stupid, but I know that I am stronger than food and I don't need sugary crap to live. I need fresh, living foods to live. And yeah a lot of people probably think I'm some crazy health foodist, but whatever. I'm sick of feeling sick and I am doing my best to change that. I think food is probably the most addicting thing out there. Now, I've never tried heroin or anything, but I'll bet sugar and additives are just as hard to get off of as drugs are. It's all a mind thing really. I know that one day that switch will turn in my head when I FINALLY fully commit to a sustainable lifestyle that is free of chemicals and the dependency of all these outside things that so many people cling to, but until that day I just gotta keep getting up and working my hardest. And, yes...I am a crazy health nut. And guess what, it will pay in the long run! ; p

Okay, I feel better. That rant totally helped. Back to normal now :)

Splish Splash I was Takin' a Bath (well...a shower)

So, yeah. Have you ever realized how calming a shower is? Not sure if it's the heat, the sound of the water, or maybe even the whole being naked part...but taking a shower is probably the best feeling in the world. In a way it's like a mini-massage. The water hitting your body, the steam. It's all so relaxing. Not sure how relaxing it was to the rest of the house this morning, since I was singing at the top of my lungs lol but that's not important. The real important thing I noticed about the shower was how open minded I feel while I'm in there. A bunch of good thoughts just come pouring in. Like I was wondering why we even wear clothes. Lol now anyone who truly knows me knows that I'm probably the biggest prude out there so this has no sexual meaning what-so-ever, but like when and why did we start wearing clothes? Goes back to Eden with Eve eating the apple...guess afterwards they saw shame in showing their bodies, but why? The body is a beautiful thing when it's taken care of properly. I would bet my life that if the whole world stopped wearing clothes there would be a lot less fat people. Without the ability to hide behind our clothes we'd have no other choice but to take responsibility for ourselves. I mean, I sure as heck know that if I was walking around with my goodies exposed 24/7 I'd think twice before eating a fatty ass cookie, or that fast food burger dripping with grease. I see so many benefits with ditching clothes, think of how much money we'd all save! Now, the clothing industry wouldn't save anything, but most of them overcharge anyways. And the sweatshops? Gone. With no clothing to make there wouldn't be a need to overwork young children for pennies on the hour. No more tan lines, getting ready in the morning would be a breeze, list goes on and on. Yeah, yeah there's probably a million reasons why we ShOuLd wear clothes, but whatever. I like where my head is at right now.

Good Morning

Rise and shine world. I'm up and geared to go.

Here's today's agenda: 

Yoga and ab work out

Volunteering at Family Bridge Shelter

Hot Yoga

Possibly a nap? 

Karaoke at Monty's

Busy, Busy!

A quiet mind is all you need. All else will happen rightly, once your mind is quiet. As the sun on rising makes the world active, so does self-awareness affect changes in the mind. In the light of calm and steady self-awareness, inner energies wake up and work miracles without any effort on your part. ~Anonymous

Here I go, Here I go, Here I go AgAiN

So0o yes, I am jumping back on the Raw wagon. If you don't know what I mean by that...then look up Raw food and I'm sure you can figure it out. I've been flip flopping back and forth for almost a year now, and I'm getting so fed up with myself. Do I want to be raw and have amazing health, or don't I? Do I want to feel great, wake up with bounds of energy and make it happily through the day? DUH. So then why can't I seem to do it? It's because my mind and palate are spoiled little brats, that's why. Right now, I'd much rather satisfy my sweet tooth for a second than enjoy a lifetime of clarity. So how do I wake up from this sugar intoxicated nightmare I'm in? Answer is, I have no freakin' clue. But, I do think making this blog will help. Truth be told, no one but myself will probably even read it lol but as long as I can get my feelings out it should help set my priorities straight.

My life's in a bit of a scramble right now. Everything seems to be backwards and on most days I'm the worst kind of hypocrite. I'm studying Holistic Nutrition, yet 20 min. ago I ate a ginormous bowl of ice cream. My actions sure as hell don't measure up to the good things I want to see in the world. What kind of person am I to promote healthy living when I can't even muster up the discipline to live my own life that way? I don't make sense, and I know that. So, it's time to start living what I believe. Practice what I preach, and be the best that I can be. I gotta stop caring what other people think, and start living my truth. I can't please everyone, and there are going to be people who look down on the things I'm doing...but so what? I'm not living in a bubble anymore. If I get hurt, who cares. At least I'll know I did something. A sedentary life is much more unsatisfying than a life of failure. At least the failure has stories, at least the failure has gained opportunity to grow. I've become stagnant, and that's probably the worst. I'm scared to fail, scared to succeed. Fear, what a spirit killer. Yeah I'm scared, yeah I might fall...but God has blessed me with legs and a strong heart so I will continue to get right back up and become what I believe in. I once got a fortune cookie that read, "No obstacle will stand in the way of your success this month." Well, I taped that sucker to my computer, and crossed out the month part. No obstacle will stand in the way of my success. Words to live by :)