Here Comes The Sun (Do, Do, Do, Do...oh come on, I can be optomistic can't I?)

Day Ten? Success!! I'm liking this pattern of success I got going on. 

On to today!

Day Eleven: Determine Your Emotional Eating Triggers (You mean I gotta figure things out about myself?)

My major emotional eating trigger? Boredom and loneliness! Eating is just such a great time filler, and is totally a way to escape from having to deal with certain lifestyle issues I'd rather push away than face. My binge eating habits come from a different place than trying to lose weight though...if anything I am worried about being under weight. I really don't get very hungry, I could probably go a full day without eating anything and be fine...but what have I heard numerous times again and again? Eat 3 square meals a day. Well, I can't pack that much damn food into this little body of mine. I tried following this "eat every 2 hours, even if you're not hungry because your body needs the nutrition" thing and ended up making myself sicker than I've ever been. I was trying to take matters into my own hands and in the process I was disregarding the true needs of my body. Reality? I'm a skinny little bitch, I've always been one, and I will probably always be one! And that's perfectly okay with me. I'm not going to manipulate my body into something it's not. I don't even feel good when I eat a ton of food. I feel sick and tired. A lot of times the less I eat, the more energized I feel. Yeah, it's totally strange to me too. I have no idea why my body reacts the way it does, but maybe I've come to a place where I don't need a lot to thrive. Now, don't get me wrong, when I'm hungry I am the first one to jump on the food wagon and indulge (only now I indulge in much healthier foods than in my past), but how much sense does it make to eat when my body isn't giving off the hunger signals? Eating just to eat because I think I should, is most likely putting unnecessary strain on my body and causing more damage than good...even if I am eating the healthiest foods in the world it won't matter if my body isn't able to fully appreciate them. At the end of this course there was a link to a website called shrinkyourself.com On this website you can take a free profile report to determine your emotional eating triggers. This website really focuses around losing weight, so it wasn't necessarily the perfect place for me to find information, but I just disregarded the whole weight loss thing and implied the overall theory of emotional eating instead. 

Here's what I came out with:

I want to lose weight in order to: (So in my case I just replaced the lose weight with have a healthy relationship with food)

- Prevent future health problems

- Control or reduce existing health problems

- Sleep better

- Move better

- Feel better physically

- Have more energy

- Be more healthy

- Inspire others to do the same

- Relieve some of my moodiness, depression, or anxiety

- Better handle the up-and-downs of life

- Be less critical of myself

- Be more free of doubts and fears

- Stop food from being the source of conflict in my life

And here are the reason I want to keep up with my poor eating habits:

- My life would be too intense without eating what I want

- I would be too depressed without sweets, chocolates, or snacks. 

- I need food to get rid of my negative feelings.

- Food calms me down when I'm angry or frustrated

- When I'm lonely food makes me feel better

- Food is one of the only things that can keep me occupied when I'm bored

- It helps me quiet my inner-circuit 

- Overeating is the only way I know how to make myself stop feeling empty inside.

- When life gets too stressful food provides a quick escape

Then there was this little activity to determine my emotional eating pattern, which resulted in this:

I am tempted to eat when I feel lonely. Eating gives me some relief by making me feel comfortable. However, after the relief fades, I feel insecure about me own self-worth. 

Feeling imprisoned by food is horrible- no matter how much you weigh. I never thought of myself as having an eating disorder until I realized what a strong hold food had on me. My connection to it is entirely mental and emotional. I hardly enjoy the things I eat...and most likely ventured down this healthy eating path as a way to justify my obsession with food. Yes, I am eating the healthiest things known to man, but I'm probably not getting as much out of them as I could be. True enjoyment is of the highest importance, and that goes for anything in life. In order to get the full benefit of something it has to be enjoyed. When I eat just to satisfy my mind, I'm probably not getting any nourishment what-so-ever, because the mind is never satisfied. It is always looking for that next fix- be it food, sex, television, or one of the million other things we use to keep the mind entertained. I'm working on getting back in touch with my true needs, and doing my best to distinguish a need from a want. It's pretty neat cuz I'm learning so much about myself. I'm super excited to see where things go from here. Like I've said before, this isn't just about food, it's about learning how strong of a person I am. Discipline is not an easy thing. I've been spoiled pretty much my whole life, so it's kinda cool to go against the comfort of always getting what I want.

It's A Beautiful Day In The Neighboorhood (Ha ha, remember that show?! CrEEpy!)

Day Nine was another success!! Still going strong...except, and I was debating on whether or not to post this part cuz it's a little embarrassing, but I had a dream about eating mashed potatoes last night? Haha! There was like a bar of a buncha different kinds. Funny thing is...I totally could taste them in my dream. Dream eating...I like it! All the fun without the guilt :)

Day Ten: Stop Eating Your Emotions! (I feel like I've talked about this before...)

“Live your daily life in a way that you never lose yourself. When
you are carried away with your worries, fears, cravings, anger,
and desire, you run away from yourself and you lose yourself. The
practice is always to go back to oneself.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

Since I've talked a butt load about my own personal cravings, I will avoid going into that today. This lesson outlines a lot of tips on how to determine if you're eating out of hunger or out of emotion, so I'll just re-cap on those :) 

These are in thanks to author of Shrink Yourself Dr. Roger Gould:

The Eight Signs of Emotional Eating

*#1: Your hunger is sudden.*
Physical hunger comes about gradually. Emotional or “phantom” hunger happens quickly, usually as a
response to a particular food item.

*#2: You crave specific foods.*
Are you hungry, but only candy or chips will fill you up? This isn’t true hunger. If you were really hungry,
a simple fruit meal would easily get the job done.

*#3: You feel an urgent need to eat that specific food.*
It is not unheard of for people struggling with emotional eating to drive miles away in order to get a
particular food. There are even horror stories of people eating out of the trashcan or sneaking candy
from their children.
On the other hand, physical hunger is not urgent or choosy and will patiently wait for any food.

*#4: Your hunger has some connection to an upsetting emotion.*
Physical hunger has no connection to your emotional
state. It is only connected to your biological need to
eat. Emotional eating is just that…emotional.

*#5: Your eating is unconscious.*
Have you ever polished off an entire pint of ice cream
wondering how you got to this point and where all the
food went? Emotional eating is often done quickly and
with little awareness of what is being eaten.
Eating for physical hunger usually involves mindfulness
of the food and the level of satiation while eating.

*#6: You don’t stop eating once you are full.*
You still crave the taste of the food and pleasure that taste brings. You might not even notice that you
are full until you’ve already eaten well beyond your limit.
Physical hunger is based on your need for sustenance and is often satisfied when you are comfortably
full, not stuffed.

*#7: You can’t stop thinking about a particular food or flavor.*
There are no physical signs of actual hunger. There is only the thought of a particular food and a desire
to taste it.

*#8: You feel guilty after you have eaten.*
Physical hunger represents your biological need for food. There is no reason to feel guilty after eating
based on true hunger.
Feeling guilty means you know you are not eating out of a need for food, but out of a need for
comfort.

If any of these statements resonate with you, you are struggling with emotional eating.
 
If not, then you are just hungry...so go eat!

Losin' My Sight, Losin' My Mind (wish somebody would tell me I'm fine)

Another soggy day in Oregon. What have we done to offend the sun? I know the majority of Oregonians aren't ready for swimsuit season, but people! That's no reason to hex the sun from coming out. ;) 

Okay, I'm just bitter. Maybe this is a chance to appreciate the rain? Nah...IT'S SUPPOSE TO BE SUMMER! 

Day Nine: Do You Love Food Or The Way It Makes You Feel? (When I get that feeling, it's like sexual healing)

Food is stimulating. More than anything, we usually have an emotional attachment to food. How many times have you eaten when you weren't hungry? Do you wait until you actually have an empty stomach before shoveling more food into your mouth? Take this analogy: You're at work putting everything you have into a project. You're doing your best to finish the task at hand, when just then your boss comes in with a giant stack of papers...more work! What's the first thing you think? Holy shit! I'm already working on something, and now my boss wants me to worry about all this other stuff. Why couldn't they have just waited until I was finished with this first project. Now your attention is split between the first project and this new project that was slapped on you when you weren't ready. Well, that's just how our bodies work. We are the boss's of our body, and when we ingest food when we're not hungry, it's like giving your body unnecessary work. Work that it isn't ready for. So what happens? StReSS! When we aren't prepared to do something in life it tends to put stress on us. So why should our bodies be an exception? Giving it more than it needs only does damage. If you're hungry your body will send out signals to alert you. If you're not hungry, your body won't send out signals. Pretty easy right? Haha ya, if eating were only in relation to physical hunger it would be easy...but for me it's more about the mental stimulation. The filling of time, the fear of losing too much weight, and only eating because it's my lunch or break time. If our lives are full of joy there won't be such a need for food. People now a days consume way too much. Granted everyone has different lifestyles, so some people do need more than others, but for the most part we are way out of touch with our actual needs. The majority of society is hyped up on stimulants like caffeine and sugar. No wonder things are so out of whack. We shouldn't need multiple cups of coffee or a donut to get us going in the morning. That isn't actual energy, it is an illusion of energy that leaves you feeling dead tired a couple hours later, which means you making another trip to that coffee station to get your next fix. Lol I really hope my boss doesn't read these or I might be out of a job. I guess it's all just about asking yourself questions. Questions like, do I really want to feel imprisoned by these outside things? Nature has provided us with everything we need. It is humans who have warped stuff into unidentifiable substances. If you can't pronounce it, don't eat it. Life is meant to be simple. Keep it that way. 

Bow Chica Bow Wow (that's all I got lol)

So0o day seven way a success, I just didn't have time to blog yesterday. Karaoke is consuming my life! Lol I like it though...and since I've been staying out so late I've made a new best friend with the store room at work (haha been taking naps on my lunch break).

Day eight is pretty much already over, but I will re-cap on what the lesson was for today. 

Day Eight: Know Your Cravings (Hold em', squeeze em', love em'...maybe not that far, but you get the picture)

Cravings are the worst! There have been times when I've felt consumed by my cravings so much that I couldn't even pay attention to what people were saying to me because all I was thinking about was eating a big spoon full of chocolate peanut butter coconut bliss ice cream...okay, not just a spoon full...the whole damn pint lol. That stuff is so good. Highly recommend it, it tastes a million times better than dairy ice cream. It's pricey, but SO worth it. Anyways, so far I haven't really had any major cravings. I've been stuffing myself full of bananas though...I'm actually getting worried that I may wake up a monkey. Bananas have the best texture. I freakin' love them. New favorite food, well actually scratch that. Mangoes are my favorite. Oh yum...tomorrow I'm going to make a mango banana smoothie. K I'm getting side tracked. What was I talking about? Oh yeah, cravings. So0o pretty much my big craving deal was sweets, and since I'm eating so much fruit my sweet tooth has been more than satisfied. Honestly, I hardly look twice at the donuts and pastries at work. They even have my favorite cream filled donuts and I've remained strong lol. Truthfully if I felt like I really, really wanted the donut I would eat it, but I haven't had an urge to do anything but follow the game plan I've made for myself. I'm starting to realize how strong of a person I am. Overcoming the need to eat cooked food isn't just about improving my health anymore, it's about challenging myself to become stronger. I've pretty much been a wall flower my whole life. Shy, timid, and basically scared of my own shadow. Why? Not a clue, all I know is that I wasn't having fun with life. I used to take things way too seriously. Life isn't about always doing the right thing, it's about doing the best you can with what you have. I'm not always going to be able to make everyone smile, there are going to be people who don't like me...and maybe even people who hate me, but ya know what...that's on them. I'm not going to compromise who I am in fear of being disliked. Everyone has been given special gifts and talents, to not live out those gifts is like giving God a big ol' slap to the face. New goal - be open to all the good things that God is wanting to bring into my life. Anything that I truly need, I know that God will provide for me. Loving yourself is not conceited. Ever been in the presence of someone who loves themselves? It's almost contagious. I've met so many people in the raw food movement who are radiating with love, sometimes I can't take my eyes off them. Love is beautiful. When we're happy we glow, and others want to be around happy people. It's okay to stand out, the only people who will try and bring you down are those that are unhappy with themselves. Respect other people, even if they don't make sense to you. Everyone is different, just accept the difference and I promise it will shed a new light into your life. Judgment is not up to us. Just because someone doesn't live up to your standards doesn't mean they are doing something wrong. We all have a purpose, and an authentic purpose at that. Don't be a copy cat. Do what you love, and love what you do!

Day Eight? Success!!

I am Beautiful No Matter What They Say (Words Won't Bring Me Down)

Hiya! Today is glorious day seven of my raw journey...well in actuality I've been doing the raw thing much longer than seven days, but this is my twenty-one day commitment to end my cravings for all the junk I was hooked on. (sugar, carbs, sugar, sugar...did I mention sugar?)

Day Seven: Progress Not Perfection (But, but...I gotta be perfect!)

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue
that counts.” ~Winston Churchill
One

So many times people set unrealistic goals for themselves, and then wonder why they end up failing. We are human, we make mistakes...it's just part of the process. For me, this whole experience is about learning who I am, and what I can and can't do. Eating raw takes A LOT of discipline. Especially when you work in a restaurant environment like I do. I am surrounded by food...and free food at that! I'm pretty much livin' in the belly of the beast right now, but that just gives me more drive and incentive to succeed. I love pushing the limits and doing things out of the norm. Well, actually for some reason I love proving people wrong. When someone says I can't do something, it makes me want to do it even more. Probably something I should work on a bit lol. Nobody likes to hear they can't do something, and in my opinion this is because we were not made to have boundaries and limitation. We are meant to live freely, able to do what ever it is our hearts tell us to. Jesus said that the kingdom of Heaven lies within us. I watched a video yesterday where David Wolfe was talking about paradise, and how heaven and hell are not some distant place. They are here, right where we are. They are inside of us. Heaven isn't something we get to experience once we're dead. Heaven is something that should be lived right now. It's that place of everlasting love that lies inside all of us. We are moving, feeling, breathing human beings with hearts and souls. Turn inside and ask yourself what it is you really want to do in life. What makes you happy? What puts a smile on your face? What makes you burst at the seams with joy? There is a light within each one of us. All we are meant to do is live that light. Let it shine through you and radiate onto others. That is the true meaning of life. To live and love. To be happy.

DaY SiX

Success!! Ha! Spelled it right this time. 

Today was pretty fantastic. I worked on only 2 hours of sleep and still felt like if I wanted to I could have run a marathon (okay, maybe not a marathon). Everything is starting to click and make sense to me. I'm feeling way more in tune with myself, and I'm beginning to realize that food isn't all that important. It's our state of mind and attitude that are important. The reason why raw is working so well for me this time around is because I am allowing it to work. I'm no longer resisting the fact that I can live off fruits and veggies. I am accepting of pretty much everything around me, and my life is starting to pull itself back together. I'm giving up the stupid image of perfection that I've always tried to mold myself into. No one is perfect. Perfection is impossible, and it's down right BoRiNg! I like flaws, flaws add to our character. I am more comfortable with myself now than I've ever been. My whole life I've been a victim of the mirror, constantly trying to change who I am to fit in and please others. I am a freakin' nerd, I've always been a nerd and I love being a nerd. I love Harry Potter lol apart from Twilight they are the only set of books I've ever finished. I love saying weird random shit, and making no sense. I love laughing at any and almost everything. I love smiling like a fool for no damn reason. I love talking to people who are real. I love nature. I love being different. I love being plain old me. AnD I love YoU! :) 

And, I also love my bed which I am about to collapse into and have the best sleep of my life.  

I Feel the Earth Mo0ove Under My Feet (I Feel The Sky Tumbling Down)

Good Morning! Okie Dokie so had a late night last night and am sorta paying for it this morning. But, it's all good in the hood...just gotta move around and shake some life into me. Maybe day six can liven me up! 

Day Six: Cooked Food - What Are You Really Missing? (cooked food, smooked food, who needs it anyway?!)

If junk food is the devil, then a sweet orange is as scripture. ~Audrey
Foris

Yeah, not exactly sure that's going to do the trick with my whole energy issue this morning lol but I do totally feel something on this topic. Every other time I've attempted to switch to eating raw I've always looked at cooked food as something I was giving up. *Embarrassing* but I envied every person I would see enjoying a chocolate chip scone or blueberry muffin...sometimes I would even get mad that they would consider putting something so "harmful" into their bodies. Truth? It's just freakin' food! A blueberry muffin isn't going to kill you. I am a believer in moderation. If I truly feel like I want to go back and eat things like pizza and cake, I will. But, I want to eat those things for the right reasons...and certainly not out of desperation or depression. I know that I want to see myself healthier and more vibrant. I want to have loads of energy, and be able to overcome the obstacles life presents without having to worry about my health anymore. For me, I know that food has contributed to the health set backs I've experienced. Meat, dairy, and sugary foods just don't work well with my body. I am no activist, and I don't think eating raw food is an end all cure all for everyone on the planet...but for me, it feels right. It is something my body is crying out for me to do. So no, cooked food is not the devil. I will not go to hell for eating it, and I certainly wont feel hexed from ever touching it again. The goal here is to tune into my inner needs and wants, and nourish my body to the fullest. I feel a change in my body already. My mental clarity is becoming clearer everyday, and my sinus congestion is pretty much all gone. So, for me raw is working. It isn't about raw vs cooked. It's about me taking what I'm feeling I should do, and putting it into action.