Haha wish I could remember the rest of the words to that song...oh well...
Okay, so I'm back in Oregon and am feeling inspired to write a blog. Not sure if everything in Hawaii is just so perfect ;) that I don't feel the need to write, or what, but for whatever reason...here I am typing up a storm again.
Where has this inspiration come from? Well...my Mom was showing me a bunch of these recovery pamphlet things she picked up from Church and I decided to read into them a bit further. If any of you are friends with my Mom on FB you know that she's in total inspiration/healing mode, which I applaud her on - way to go Mom! Keep doing what makes you happy, and don't worry about what I'm about to say about your pamphlets LoL :)
Anyways...I was looking through these pamphlets and instead of finding peace in them I started to get a little discouraged. Now, I know that these 12 step programs have helped numerous people recover from life-long destructive habits...but my brain must work a little differently, because in reading I couldn't help but think, "These are all just excuses." There were a handful of disorders, along with signs and symptoms discussed in the pamphlets, such as : Adult Children of Family Dysfunction - Judge self without mercy, hard to have fun, difficulty with relationships, constantly seek approval, look for immediate gratification, and they fear rejection or abandonment. Codependency - Assume responsibility for others feelings, difficulty expressing feelings, afraid of being hurt or rejected, afraid to express differing opinions, and they are embarrassed to receive recognition. The list goes on and on. Now, these are all very valid points, and if a person is feeling this way on a regular basis and it's controlling their lives then yes, there's a problem...but...haven't we all felt this way at one point or another? Is it really something that should be given a name or diagnosis? All it is, is the person holding onto whatever has happened to them in their past. It's nothing more then their own doing. We've all had unfortunate things happen to us, and we all have our problems that could use some fixing...but to me it seems like giving your problem a name and a reason is just a way of taking the responsibility off of yourself.
Many of the root causes of the disorders were pointed back to childhood, which yes, is most likely where these problems arose from...but it wasn't your families fault, or your friends fault, or the guy in line who was mean to you's fault....it's your fault. Yep, I said it...your fault. No one can make you feel or do anything. You have the choice to make your own decisions. Yes, situations are unfortunate sometimes, but the only people that continue to have problems into their adult hood are the ones who refuse to let go of their past. The ones who constantly remind themselves of what happened to them when they were younger. You had a bunch of horrible stuff happen to you? Good, become stronger from it. What good is it doing you today to keep living in the crap you grew up in?
I am all for acknowledging your problems so that they can be dealt with...but to give your problem a name, and then to define yourself by that problem...um...not so good. How are you ever going to get away from your problems if you label yourself by them? I feel comfortable talking about this because I know from personal experience what labeling yourself with a problem does to you, it makes you sicker and brings on more problems! When I was sick I spent years going to doctors trying to figure out what the heck was wrong with me, and the second I actually received a diagnosis was the second I got sicker. The thought of, "Oh, okay...so I really am sick," took hold of me and I used my "illness" as an excuse. I saw myself as a sick person, and a sick person was what I became. My stomach issues multiplied and everyday became a constant battle. I was blocking myself from getting better because I had labeled myself as sick. If you label yourself with something negative, you trap yourself. I know that not everyone's brain works like mine and that these programs do indeed work miracles, but I'm just saying...it doesn't make much sense to me, and it seems a lot easier to just say..."Yeah, I've got problems...but that ain't gunna stop me from being happy and continuing to live my life." Most of the time the problems will just lift on their own anyways. It's called realizing, accepting, and then living. Realize the problem, accept it, and then just live a happy life. Once you have realized and accepted something it makes living a lot easier. Ever been around a really annoying person or someone you just don't like? The moment you accept that person for who they are (annoying habits and all) is the moment you can tolerate them. Same goes with your problems. The moment you accept them is the moment you can move on with your life. Accepting doesn't mean labeling, it doesn't mean going around telling everyone...oh yeah, I act this way because I've got a co-dependency problem. No, it means realizing that you're on Earth, you're human, and that although there are a million things you probably could work on you are perfect right now. You are exactly where you are meant to be, and your life is in perfect alignment with your thoughts. Change your thoughts, change your life. Change your environment, change your life. If you want to see a change you must make a change. If you want to get well, you must think well.
Troubles do indeed exist in this world, I have accepted that...but I don't hold onto the troubles like I used to. It's kinda like taking life with a grain of salt...nothing is really THAT important. We all just wanna be happy...so why not focus on happy things? Address the issues, but do it in a healthy way. Turn inward and realize that only you can make you better. Those of you who believe only God can make you better, I agree 100%. When you turn inside you are turning to God. Without your permission God can't enter, so it really does all boil down to you. You know you better then anyone else, so don't rely on other people to make you happy or to "fix" you. That can only be done by your own work. There are unseen forces moseying about that will help you. Stop acting so desperate. Desperation is unattractive and in all honesty it's annoying. Believe in yourself and give yourself permission to be confident. You are just as able as the next person to do whatever it is you want to do. Quit limiting yourself. We are unlimited. We are boundless. We are infinite. We are all of the above and more...we just have to allow ourselves to be it.
Do yourself and the world a favor and lighten up :)
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I have very little else to say except thank you thank you thank you for posting this. It's brilliant. And despite telling a truth that would probably upset a lot of people, you told in honesty and with compassion!
ReplyDeleteI so often feel that there is this psychological divide between North America and Europe (and being from both, I have a food on both sides). In North America, EVERYTHING has a name, meds attached to it, psychological traumas and exercises that can be used to make you feel better, and half the time I'm looking at these lists of issues thinking, just like you, "aren't half of these diseases, just people having normal feelings and emotions as part of the process of living?" That's a big problem because everyone has SOME issue...
On the flip side, in Europe (and I speak specifically about France), I think there is the downside of grossly underplaying the biology or reality of psychological issues, as if you just had to get over yourself and you're just being a princess. There is too little recognition that some emotional problems to feed into chemical/hormonal imbalances, which you to some degree "can't help." And that's dismissing the reality of a problem too...
I just wish we could find so happy medium, but the short of it is, like you said, we should all take control of our own lives!